WTF!?!?!?!

Well, scratch what I said yesterday. Dave went to pick up my passport this morning and guess what? It's not the right passport. It's got all the paperwork with my name and information, but the passport belongs to some infant. I know I have a baby face, but there is no way I'm passing as a baby boy! So we aren't flying tomorrow as planned (we've now had to reschedule our flight 3 times due to passport problems) and I don't know if we'll ever get back to the USA. (I know, I'm being a drama queen now!)
The passport reps here on post called the US consolate in Frankfurt (which is where they processed my passport) and asked if they could find MY passport. They did get back in touch and said that they found it (holy hell they haven't lost it for good? What a fucking miracle!) and that we could come pick it up. But not today. Which makes no sense to me. It is a work day right? grrrr....
So we're going to drive to Frankfurt in the morning and get it in person. Dave thinks that the icing on the cake would be if we drive all the way up there and it's either a German holiday or they sent it out in the mail today and we have to wait for a few days for it to show at the passport office on post. (So help me god if they've mailed it instead of holding on to it like we've asked all hell will break loose. I will go fucking mad!)
Moral of this story? NEVER EVER let your passport get stolen. It's like gold people! I just wonder what happened to my old one? Did the thief throw it away like trash? Did they sell it on the black market? Is my identity out there floating around in space? This is turning in the the worst month of my life....AAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!